Reorienting

photo from my recent silent retreat at St. Edmunds on Ender's Island, Mystic, CT

Dear friends,

I've been putting blog posts at the bottom of the priority pile for awhile. This is for mostly good reasons - study and development for my certification to become a Spiritual Director, various free-lance writing assignments, and time with friends and family in Connecticut, New York, and Texas. A few reasons fall on the more difficult end of the spectrum as I've struggled through a season of low-grade depression, mostly related to a giant life transition. Even with all the good things orienting my days and weeks, I wake up far more often than I'd like to admit feeling completely disoriented. "I feel completely lost" is a somewhat common experience, but it can feel scary and bleak. 

I'm sensing a shift in my emotional health, a lightness, reorientation, and relief. It's been a season of mostly knowing intellectually that things would take on a new normal eventually, but feeling more fatigue than hope in my heart. Most days I've been able to align my sense of being of what is true even when it didn't feel true. Some days I've sat around in my pajamas and played word games on my phone to avoid feeling sad and lost. Most days have been a combination of both. Slowly, the fatigue is lifting and I'm hopeful for a returned sense of order and rhythm to my days, accompanied by a clarity about where to point the energy and gifts God has given me.

Once again, I return to my little corner of the internet to add some thoughts and ideas into this incubator and see what develops. I have an idea to write a stream-of-consciousness post several times a week through the month of June as part of my journey of reorientation. I'm not sure if that will replace the more customary Ordinary Time posts or serve as an addition. I'm going the novel approach of spontaneity and see what comes out! 

Thank you, as always, for the companionship you offer here and, for many of you, in my face-to-face life as well. I treasure you.

Peace and gratitude,

Tamara