Calling Stories: Katie Fox's strangely hard search for rest in 2020
Welcome to the final installment of Calling Stories, a refreshed and reimagined series of guest posts for Ordinary Time. In the past two autumns, I’ve hosted a series of guest posts called Work Stories. This year I've reimagined the series to embrace a wider vision of calling.
Thank you to each guest who sent an update this year. If you haven’t yet, I highly encourage you to read their 2020 reflections:
When I first imagined this series a couple of years ago, I knew immediately I wanted to include Katie Fox. In 2018, she and her husband Shaun shared the realities and hopes of their lifelong quest for vocational wholeness: Already / Not-Yet Calling. It feels fitting for Katie’s story to close our 2020 series.
As someone who’s wrestled well with her own calling (and invaluably supported Brian and me in ours), Katie continues to walk through the doors God opens and look for windows of hope when the doors seem shut. Like so many of us, the Fox family has faced significant disruptions this year. I’m grateful for their perseverance toward the fullest expression of themselves their Creator has imagined and equipped. If what you thought was strength has begun to feel like weakness this year, I know you’ll be encouraged by today’s post.
What do you understand more clearly about who you are called to be and what you are called to do?
What do you understand less clearly?
As our entire lives have transitioned to online, zoom-based realities, the pandemic also happened to coincide with a shift in my husband's sense of vocational calling. We'd been co-leading the arts ministry at our church in Austin for the past five years, but he knew it was time for him to step away and focus on other things - maybe just for a season, but perhaps longer; he wasn't sure. And so we found ourselves parting ways, at least in this context. Our marriage continues to be strong and a true source of joy for us both, but in a weird, unfamiliar way, my heart felt a little bit like we were breaking up. As I began navigating the leadership of the arts ministry without him, I stumbled a bit at first: is this really MY calling? Or was it his idea, and I was just along for the ride? But as I've sought the Lord for help and assurance, I've only felt a deepening of my own sense of calling to arts ministry. And so I continue to put one foot in front of the other, in faith and hope, trusting the Lord's leading.
Even in the disrupted rhythms of life, what is something you still can't not do related to your work or callings?
What is something you can no longer do?
Arts ministry, like all ministries, is ultimately about people, and the loss of this season - so many cancellations of events and programs - is the loss of lives lived alongside one another, the fellowship and encouragement we find in each other. It's made relationships so much harder. We were made for community, for touch, for shared experiences that aren't mediated through a screen. Yet we're also thankful for the technology that allows a semblance of our life together to continue uninterrupted.
Where have you had to "pump the brakes of your ambition" in this season?
Where have you seen unexpected "green lights" for your calling(s) in this season?
In early July, I came down with a fever, and it stuck around. My Covid test was negative, and after multiple doctor visits, I was diagnosed with Epstein Barr virus (EBV). This illness has affected every aspect of my life since then - the fever and fatigue were constant for over two months, and now the fever is only intermittent while the fatigue has continued hanging on. When school started in late August, I was also homeschooling my younger daughter, often with a fever. When my fall semester at seminary began in September, I had to drop my class. But I've also sensed confirmation in my vocational calling – even in a pandemic, even with EBV, even while homeschooling, I can't abandon the arts ministry. The joy it brings me is life-giving and helps me keep going. I was even able to coordinate our first outdoor arts exhibition, which turned out wonderfully. God has been faithful, as always.
What does Sabbath look like for you right now?
This whole season of illness has, in some ways, felt like a never-ending, forced Sabbath. The doctors say the only treatment for EBV is rest, and that sounds like it will be lovely, at first - a tired, busy, over-committed mom is told to rest as much as possible? Sign me up! Yet I have discovered that resting is strangely hard. It's possible to stay in bed all day and never actually rest at all – my mind can still be whirring, anxious, driven to distraction, numb, etc. True rest comes from Christ and is found in Christ. It's an awareness, however small, of His presence and His love, as He carries us and holds us under the shadow of His wing. Because my bed has become my work zone, my Sabbath these days often looks like sitting on my back porch in the cool of the morning, listening to the birds and looking up at the green trees and blue sky, meditating on His Word and His goodness. I'm thankful for these times, inconsistent though they may be.
In their 2018 post, Shaun told us about a bed he was building. Perhaps providentially in time for this difficult season, Shaun’s craftsmanship provided bed Katie now calls her “work zone”.
When everyone was working and schooling at home, the Fox family found their little house bursting at the seams. It wasn’t going to be sustainable so they decided to build the backyard art studio they’ve wanted for ages - and let it be Shaun’s office for now.
The Faith&Arts ministry presents the first outdoor art exhibition at Christ Church: DEVOTED. The visual artists of Christ Church have created artwork inspired by some of the themes of the fall sermon series, such as Word, Community, and Eucharist. Their work is now on display around the perimeter of the building at 112 Medina.
Click through the photos to read the artist’s statements at the Faith&Arts website.
Shaun and Katie Fox live in Austin, Texas, with their two lovely daughters. They have been co-leading the arts ministry at their Anglican church since 2015. Shaun is a software designer, but strives to spend time making art on the side. Katie is a grad student at Fuller Seminary, a writer, and a choir nerd who loves to annoy her children through operatic communication. You can read more about their arts ministry adventures at christchurcharts.org.
Borrowing Katie’s photo for our final inspiration for the Calling Stories series. Thanks, Katie (and Dolly)!